Blog-A-Thon, Life, Thoughts

Acknowledging my fears.

So much that needs to get done, so many things to do.   But I cant get myself motivated to do them.  Instead all I can do is sit here…and look…and think….and know.

Know.

Know that when we get back, things wont ever be the same for reasons I havent mentioned.

Know that change is coming, and when I get back, my life isn’t going to be the same life I left.

Know that I dread change.  But change is coming.  And change is good.

But I cant get myself motivated to be excited about doing something…that I know…in less than 24 hours…will be over.

I don’t want to go on this trip.  And I just now know why.

I don’t want to go, because I don’t want to come back.

I don’t want to come back to the change that will happen.

It scares me.

This new life that is coming.  These changes that are happening.  This.

In my mind – not going – will somehow stop the change from coming.

Regardless.

This isnt how it always it.  This is how it was last night.  And I had to atleast acknowledge my fears before I could move on.  To be completely honest, I am happy about the changes that are coming.  I was just a little hesitant last night (and sometimes) because change, of any kind, scares me, and I know these next steps in life are going to be big.

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