So much that needs to get done, so many things to do. But I cant get myself motivated to do them. Instead all I can do is sit here…and look…and think….and know.
Know that when we get back, things wont ever be the same for reasons I havent mentioned.
Know that change is coming, and when I get back, my life isn’t going to be the same life I left.
Know that I dread change. But change is coming. And change is good.
But I cant get myself motivated to be excited about doing something…that I know…in less than 24 hours…will be over.
I don’t want to go on this trip. And I just now know why.
I don’t want to go, because I don’t want to come back.
I don’t want to come back to the change that will happen.
It scares me.
This new life that is coming. These changes that are happening. This.
In my mind – not going – will somehow stop the change from coming.
This isnt how it always it. This is how it was last night. And I had to atleast acknowledge my fears before I could move on. To be completely honest, I am happy about the changes that are coming. I was just a little hesitant last night (and sometimes) because change, of any kind, scares me, and I know these next steps in life are going to be big.