Life

I want to.

Ive been thinking a lot lately.  Our pastors sermons have really spoken to me.  But I dont know what it all means.  I cant get it all to make sense in my mind.  It just goes around and around making no sense, confusing me.

But it all comes down to one thing.  I want to serve Him.  I want to devote my life, in its full, to Him.  And I know its not much, I know my life is nothing, but I want to give it, fully, to Him.

But I dont exactly know what it means.  I dont know where to go from here.  I dont know what to do from here.  I dont know how to get started.

Ive wondered a lot lately, if this thing, this very thing that I am trying to get away from, this little life of mine that I find a complete waste of time sometimes, is where God put me, for a reason.  If this.  This very place I have been put, with these problems that I find big, that really amount to nothing, are part of something…something much bigger.

I wonder if God put me here – and this is where I am.  I wonder if I am suppose to learn how to serve Him here, and give my all, here.  When I feel I cant.  I want to explode for Him, but I am limited.  By myself?  I blame others, but I think it is just me.  What am I not doing?  What am I doing?  I keep looking at others, and pointing out how my life could be better if…

If only they did this, or they did that.

But what about me?  What am I doing?

There is a lot I still need to change.  I am not perfect, by any means.  I am just me.  I have nothing to offer, but I can still serve Him, where I am, with what little I do.  I can give it all to Him, and He can make something of it.

I want my life to glorify Him, and I want to be who He wants me to be.  I dont need to try and shape others to be like Him, others are not my responsibility.  I need to focus on what matters, on who matters.  I need to focus of God, and live my life to glorify Him, in all I do.

And that?  Opens so many doors.  It frees me of so many things.  It means tearing down my Idols, and putting God back in His rightful position of ruler in my life.

I want to start, and I want to start today.  I want to start now.  I want to do this.  I need to do this.  I want to live my life, for Him…and no one else.

Could you pray for me, please?

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