Humor Section

Internet!

I dont know about anyone else, but lately we have been the victims of the internet going down. It seems to be a common occurrence as of lately, and by that, of course, I mean twice in one month. Way too many times if you ask me. Here are some helpful tips should you find yourself in an internet less situation.

Stay Calm

For approx 5 seconds while it registers with you. Then feel free to freak out with the rest of us. Once you calm down proceed to step number two.

Check All connections

No I don’t mean check all the various connections you have set up (although seeing if your neighbors are still connected might be a good idea) I mean check the cables. Unplug everything and attempt to plug it back in. Make a bigger mess of your already big mess of wires while attempting to plug them back in. This should keep you occupied for a few minutes and take your mind off the fact that you are infact, internet less. It is also known to cause great panic, revert to step one if this is the case.

Call for backup

Once you have done all you can do, make the dreaded call to tech support. Keep in mind they will treat you like the rest of the internet less fools out there. Hold your ground. Explain to them that you have already done steps 1-3 and are ready for some real help. They will redirect you to unplug all the wires and cables and then tell you how to correctly replug them in. This is their way of telling you they have no idea what is going wrong but they are working on it and are just stalling so they don’t have to answer the other 300,000 plus phone calls of helpless folks such as yourself.

Remind yourself the coffee pot still works

You might even have to remind yourself periodically to breath. Just because the internet is down (and gasp) the rest of the world is no longer at your finger tips – the coffee pot STILL works. The rest of your computer works as well. Take this time to familiarize yourself with the other buttons on your desktop. Just don’t uninstall something important. This will lead to the redoing of steps 1 and 2.

Write a “How to” post

Such as this one.

Hit refresh 101 times

Just incase the first 100 times weren’t enough, the 101 time might just do the trick!

Be thankful you live in an era of telephones

Think of the olden days! When their internet went down they had to walk uphill both ways in a snow storm to ask for help! And then they were probably just turned around and told to “Unplug and hold the button for 5 seconds.” Ah yes. The great telephone!

Cry

Because nothing fixes a broken internet connection, or as the people on the other end of the line informed me “Area wide outage” like a good old fashion cry.

…and just when you think the internets will never return, they do.

Publish post you wrote while the ‘nets were down.

To not only alert people that you were offline, but to give them helpful hints, a cup of coffee and a sympathetic pat on the back.

Welcome back internets. We miss you while you are away!

And just for fun, you know you love your internet too much when:

The prospect of any phone conversation provokes an unreasonable level of anxiety.

You have a legit panic attack when you can’t reconnect to your WiFi network.

The last family argument you had was over chat.

You are reading this.

*None of the pictures in this post are mine

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