Thankfuls

Thankful #8

Every so often, I like to look back and see what I was up to.  A year ago.  Ten years ago.  I have journals that go back to when I was six years old.  Of course, that journal only has two entries.  But still – its fun to look back and see what I was up to.  Thats one of the reasons I am thankful for this blog.  Easy access to the past.  To see what I was up to.  To read what was hard for me then, and what was important.  And really – its just kind of fun.

Today I looked back to see what I was up to last year and read the following post.  I dont remember what was going on last year.  Dont remember writing the post.  Dont even remember the sermon I referenced.  But the words.  Oh the words.  They really speak to me today – because I am trying…so hard.  To be thankful.  And Im trying to be thankful for the little things, the small things.  The little often overlooked things.  There is SO much to be thankful for, that this year, I am honestly overwhelmed by it all.

Im not talking the big things, the obvious things.  Im talking the little things.  That really?  Arent so little.

Today?  I am just…so..thankful.  For everything.  For big things, small things and everything in between.  And really?  I am thankful for my blog, and the past – even though sometimes I like to think I want to forget it.

November 2011

Sunday our pastor preached a brief sermon on being thankful.  In all things.  And while I listened, I don’t know that I really HEARD what he said until today.  Because as I sat there, as hard as I tried to remind myself that I have so many areas to work in, I silently think I thought that I am pretty thankful.  Atleast, you know, MOST of the times.  And my mind wandered to OTHER people.  I thought about people who have been through so much, and yet still manage to give thanks.  And some people who have been through NOTHING and have find it impossible to give thanks.  Then theres me, who sits on the fence, giving thanks when I feel like, remember to, or when everythings gone to pot.  Because I forget to be thankful when times are good, but have no trouble remember the GOOD times when Im asking for them again.

On the way home I prayed silently that I would be thankful.  In all areas of my life.  And really?  Should have known better.  I know its not how God works, but it sometimes seems like when I pray for patience, I get patience trying moments.  So it really should have been no surprise that when I asked to be thankful, that I got reasons to give thanks, despite the circumstances.

Everything.

You know those days when you wake up, and you are pumped, excited and THRILLED to be awake because something is happening that day that simply cant take your happiness away?  That’s today.  Only the opposite swing of things.  I wished I could close my eyes and throw the day away before I had even opened my eyes.

And unfold the day did.  And tonight I really just wanted to fold it all back up.  Because whiles things that happened today probably wont effect me the rest of my life, they will effect the rest of the week.  And probably the next month or two, and really…there comes a point when all you can do is sit down and cry.  And I have, multiple times today.  Sat down and cried.  Because, seriously?  Why not?  What else?  And Whats left?

But then…

I was reminded by someone on face book, to be thankful…for the small things.

Small things.

Yes.  Small things that arent so small.

And while I know this, while I try really, to be thankful for the small things knowing that things could be worse, this is my reality, and right now…my reality is hard for me.  Even if its not as bad as someone elses.

So I try.  I try to be thankful.  I try to smile.  To be grateful.  To find the good in the not so good.  To love, despite hate.  To smile, despite the tears.  To be thankful…despite the circumstances.

Life isn’t always easy, and today has been FAR from easy, and its not even over.  And while the tears still prick my eyes…I am trying.  To be thankful.  To not just give a half hearted thanks for what I had, can I get it back now please?  But a genuine thank you.  For THIS.  For THESE circumstances.  While hard, I know they are for a reason, if not known to me.

Im trying.

To be thankful.

For everything I have, and everything I don’t have.

While I could have done without the snow (and the excited puppy who head butted me in the nose) Yoshi was thankful for the snow.

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