Humor Section, Life

Me vs. The plants

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This is one strong little plant that I have yet to kill.  It has been frozen, forgotten, dried up, and left.  Amanda and I started it from seeds probably close to ten years ago now, and it still blooms. 

I don’t have what one would refer to as a green thumb.  Infact its probably more on the brown side.  I don’t know why – I just cannot for the life of me, remember to water a plant.  I will remember a few weeks down the road that oh yea, there is a plant that needs water.  It doesn’t matter if the plant is right in front of me – as most plants are, they just simply, don’t register as needing water.  Its even worse for the poor plants that live out of sight – out of sight out of mind has never been more true.  If the plants that live right in front of me day after day lack water, its safe to assume the ones OUT of sight – are well, out of luck.

Amanda loves her some plants.  Anything green she loves.  She is constantly buying little plants and growing them into giant plants.  Dreaming up how to get trees to grow in the living room, and how to haul the next big green thing into the house.  I assume the reason her plants get watered, is driven only by her love of all things green.  Plant doesn’t get watered – it doesn’t stay green.  Must water plant to have green.

Mom also loves plants.  Maybe I should rephrase that.  Mom.  LOVES plants.  And plants LOVE here.  She has the ability to grow plants from just a leaf!  She talks to them, pampers them, waters them (ahem) on a weekly schedule, prunes them, and whatever else one does with plants.  And in turn, the plants love her back – and grow wildly.  While I struggle to grow weeds – mom has potted flowers all over the office and house.

Usually – my lack of plant watering ability doesn’t affect me that much.  I forget for months at a time, and the plants thrive.

A few years ago – Amanda fell in love with a tree like plant at a store.  She brought that silly thing home, and it has been here ever since.  A few months ago I mentioned it was droopy looking and Amanda asked me the last time I watered it.  Water!  Such a noble concept!  Sadly, the cats water it more than I do.  Just being honest folks.

Sadly now with Amanda being so far away, and mom having joined her for a few months – the plant watering duty has been left to me.  I kept up my duty of watering the plants every Friday for a good solid month.  Really, watering a plant 4 times a month should NOT be that difficult.  But it is!  For whatever reason!

Last year a neighbor asked if I would watch her house while she was out of town for the winter months.  Having done this before, I agreed and then she added “oh and if you would water the plants too…”  A lump settled into my throat.  Plants.  I told myself.  Would not be getting the better of me.  And so every Friday afternoon me and my water jug would head up the hill, where I would perform my duty of watering the little green sprouts.  They weren’t happy looking, but they were alive.  And that was my goal.  Keep.  Plants.  Alive.

One morning I woke up feeling somewhat cold.  It wasn’t until I checked the temperatures that I realized why.  We were in a deep, cold, freeze.  “PLANTS!” I yelled before jumping out of bed.

I burst into the house later that morning and froze.  There in front of me were 4 very sad, very frozen plants.  “NOOOOOO!!!!” I yelled before racing down the road towards home.  Since mom was out of town I turned to my next best option: dad.  Figuring he might know a thing or two about plants I asked for some help.  It wasn’t until he kind of laughed did I realize I was in big trouble.  I talked to the plants.  I carefully separated their frozen leaves from each other and even scoured the internet for ideas.  Plastic bags went over the top.  I lined them all up in a not too hot but not too cold room and hoped for the best.

The next morning, the limp, sad, droopy, very much not alive plants greeted me.  My heart sunk.  I made the dreaded phone call to inform the neighbor (who by the sound of my voice assumed her house had burnt to the ground) that her plants had died in the night.  She sounded relieved.

But a few weeks ago, she stopped by to say hello which is when I noticed.  Her causal small talk and jaunt around the office wasn’t to check up to see how we were doing.  She was checking on the plants.  Watering them.  And making sure they were all still very much alive.

I guess after her plants tragic deaths – she hasn’t trusted me with moms plants.

Youd think after all that I could remember to water a plant, but sadly, I still cant.  And with that note – I am off to water plants because after all!  It IS Friday.  We just wont talk about how many Fridays have went in-between waterings!

Happy Weekend, Everyone!

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Hi mom!  Im mostly just kidding about not watering your plants.  They are all still very much alive, and missing you.

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