Humor Section

And They Call This Fun!

I have written on my woes with shopping many times before.  Many people just don’t seem to understand how I can NOT like shopping.  I guess I could see how it might possibly fun, if it weren’t so stressful and stupid and all that.  I do enjoy shopping with Amanda – shes fun and excitable, and all things girl when it comes to shopping.  When she left a few years ago – I got to (somehow) fulfill the duty of grocery shopping.  Yes, mom and I had a few episodes where I lost all my bearings and we just walked out of the store where I promptly burst into tears.  But that’s another story.  For another day.

Shopping and me just don’t see eye to eye.  Now I have a list.  I have my moves carefully calculated and I barrel my way through the store in record speed grabbing what I need and not an item more.  It works.  For me.  Sometimes.  And then sometimes it doesn’t.  And if something I had on my list isn’t IN the store then my whole shopping trip is a bust.  Its just how me and shopping go.

But there is a different kind of shopping that shivers me in a whole different way.  The dreaded Christmas shopping.  I hate this even more.  If you have seen in the past – we tend to go all out at Christmas time for our relatives.  I don’t mean ALL OUT with gifts, I mean that we try to give everyone a small something.  We don’t do birthdays or anything else – so mom likes to think of Christmas as our way of keeping in touch – and that’s fine.  Its…just…not….fun to shop for all billion and two relatives.

Its not even fun to shop for my immediate family!

My attempts usually fall flat.  The times I do know what I want – I get the wrong thing.  The times I don’t know what I want – I get nothing.  The times I find what I want – its too expensive and I just cant justify spending THAT kind of money.  Its hopeless, me and shopping.

This year, my Christmas spirit was HIGH.  Like full tilt over the moon BUY ALL THE THINGS! Kind of high.  I took advantage of it, and did some late night browsing.  I ordered a few gifts, and made a list.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself – having knocked just about everyone off my list, and having a general idea of what I wanted to get people who I hadn’t bought for yet.  I EVEN made cookies.  And baked them – and they didn’t get burnt!  All was well.

And then my Christmas spirit took a dive.  But that was ok!  Because my shopping was done.  I could relax.  I decided that since I had done such a GOOD job on getting things in order, that I would reward myself by buying frosting, instead of making it.

Which is where things went south.  Note the word: BUY.  Buy – involves shopping.

Because when I got home, it turns out the frosting I selected?  Was a not so lovely shade of green.  Instead of white, like I was hoping, it was a pale pea green.  Even after adding some food dye, it still resembled something from the pea factory – but I was too far in to back out.

And then last night, as I was looking through my online purchases, I noticed something.  The things I bought?  Were NOT the things I thought I had bought.  Infact, I really have NO idea what was going through my head at the time of purchase – because I thought I was being savvy.  One item?  Was under a dollar.  Which sounds good.  Except that the shipping?  Was ten.  TEN DOLLARS for an item that didn’t even cost a dollar to begin with!  My eyes bulged.  HOW.

And then…the mail started trickling in.  Ever so slowly.  Because they have decided to divert our mail north for a 5 day delay before bringing it to us.

I was excited.

I ripped open the package.

And stared into the face of what was supposed to be a pajama set but instead was an…

“Oil green panel”

Say WHAT?

Now I knew that things weren’t what I thought I had bought but how does one go from pjs to a curtain panel?  Closer inspection showed that what I ordered – was not sent.  In its place – was a single curtain.  A CURTAIN!  Now I don’t know about you – but I don’t know how I was supposed to GIFT a CURTAIN!  ONE panel, mind you.  The product I had ordered?  No longer in stock.  I guess this was the closest substitute they had.

All this came crashing down ontop of my Christmas spirit, or lack there of – and led to my firm belief that shopping, no matter HOW “Wonderful” people say it is – is not, so wonderful.

Online or offline.

Which is all to say – Merry Christmas, if you receive pea green cookies, or a green curtain panel from me this year – just know.  I fought VERY HARD for those items.  And yes, it all involved shopping.

Until next year!

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2 thoughts on “And They Call This Fun!”

  1. Ha – I am so not a fan of shopping. But – I find elfin’ around fun. I don’t go big – but – I go unique. And being the weirdo that I am – I know I will see smiles when the gifts that I give are opened.
    Here’s an example of when I say – I go unique & weird. This is what my sisters & sil will be getting from me: http://dammitdolls.com/
    I found them at a local Hallmark store. So – I didn’t have to order them online!
    Happy Christmas season! 🙂

    1. Haha – 🙂 Well see, I personally think fun, unique and “weird” gifts are the way to go! I will have to keep those in mind for next year!

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